When my friend Susie asked me to officiate her wedding, I was joyfully surprised by my immediate “OMG YES YES YES” reaction. I do love love, but I have grappled with the idea of marriage and commitment after ending my own marriage over two years ago. She and I have shared similar journeys; wrestling with trust of ourselves and of our partners. Blending families, jumping back in with a real understanding of what is at stake. We both are no longer single women in our 20’s, but slightly older, much wiser and now with the added divine responsibility of our children’s spirits. Stakes are high. Knowing all of this, I still love love. I am learning that there are things that I can trust, things we can ask of ourselves and of our partners. And above all else, we really are the most resilient creatures. These are the words I wrote for Susie and Rihmel. For me. For Dan. For second chances. For all of us.
The commitment of marriage is not lost on the two of you.
When you find your person after previous relationships, you know that it is not a piece of paper that makes the commitment.
It is the showing up every single day.
Turning towards each other when you would’ve turned away.
This is a necessary promise.
To tell the other person, that you know, you know deep in your bones what this promise means.
You know you will love each other-consistently.
You will not intentionally mislead or hide when it hurts.
You will show up.
You will make mistakes and you will disappoint because you are a beautifully, imperfectly human.
You are not promising perfection.
You are promising repair.
You are promising that you will get in the chaotic arena of humanity, and not leave without each other.
You both came to each other after your own healing journey.
You sketched your own dreams and then started painting one dream together.
This life you are building is one of deep respect.
Respect for your autonomy and respect for your union.
You value laughter and look for the best in each other.
You understand that the life you are creating is shaping the lives of Grace, Max and Conrad.
They can see this bond, but more importantly, they feel the safety of your bond.
They are learning the universal truth of the resilient heart.